Why people cancel dates at the last minute

It happens every now and then and it’s quite often at the last minute. And it’s not just single women who do it!

You called your date a week ago and agreed on a time and day. Now on the morning of the date, you get a call or an SMS saying they’re cancelling. 

They say their child is sick. Or they have a big work project they have to get through. They have to pick up a family member at the airport. Their car is in for repair. The excuses can be limitless.

When it happens to you, it’s a horrible feeling. You feel rejected and now you’re left wondering what to do with your Saturday night.

If you’re the type of person who finds it hard to ask for a date in the first place, your ego can be bruised to such an extent that it may take you 3 months to work up the courage to ask someone else out.

So why does it happen?

For a few reasons: 

1. Sometimes people feel bad about turning someone down so they say ‘yes’ even though they’re not sure they want to go out with them. They've most likely waited around all week trying to think of a way to get out of it then cancelled at the last minute.

2. The person asking for the date picks a venue or type of date that’s too formal, like dinner at a fancy restaurant, when in fact a coffee at a nearby café would have been a better choice.

3. Not enough rapport has been developed yet. If you’ve only just met, asking for a date may not be the right thing to do. Talking on the phone or via email may be better until you’ve developed some rapport.

4. That said, the time between asking for a date and the actual date is way too long. If you feel like you’ve gotten on really well, sometimes it’s best to simply say: "Hey I’m really enjoying this conversation - do you have time for a coffee later on today?"

If you're grappling between points 3 & 4 above, trust your intuition that you'll make the right decision.

5. There’s a small minority of people who find it incredibly hard to meet others and simply have a relaxed conversation. For them dating is such a huge deal that when it comes time to actually prepare for the date, they pull out.

Dating is a Numbers Game

Dating is very much a numbers game. Some people will say ‘yes’. Some will say ‘no’. And others will be a ‘maybe’. The trick is to ask people out, to weather the rejection and to accept if someone asks out if you feel you’ll be able to enjoy their company over a coffee.

Tips on how to reduce dating cancellations

Get yourself a full dating calendar

One of the biggest problems with cancelled dates is that singles only date a few people a month – or less. This more often than not means that if they finally have a date after a long break, it's likely they will have high expectations. The person being asked feels the person asking for the date is ‘hungry’ and they want to run for the hills! When rejected, the person who hasn’t been dating much take it more to heart and is even less likely to ask someone else out.

The trick is to fill your diary with lots of dates. That way you'll put less pressure on each dating experience and you'll be less likely to have people cancel on you. If they do pull the pin at the last minute, you won’t take it so much to heart.

Witty dating requests

Don’t take it too seriously. A guy at a dinner party once asked me if I’d meet with him the following weekend. He said, "Now I'll give you a chance to say 'no' right now. I'll tear up my phone number if you think you won't call me". This was all said with a grin on his face. I thought “wow, this guy’s got character”! I did call him and we’ve become great friends. I also introduced him to his current partner through a Quick Connections singles event.

It’s all in your tone

Your tone of voice when asking for a date is vital to getting the right answer. You’ll come across as self-confident if you ask for a date with conviction in your voice.