Do you know what you’re REALLY looking for?

If you’re on your own and you want to meet a decent, loyal, kind-hearted person worthy of your affections, it’s good to start thinking about what you want in a partner.

This doesn’t meant snubbing those who don’t tick all the boxes, it just means getting clear on what qualities are essential for you – and just as importantly, what you are and aren’t prepared to compromise on.

It’s unrealistic to think that a partner is going to meet all of our needs, but it’s important to know the physical and psychological traits you’re looking for and the values that your ideal partner has to have.

So take 10 minutes to do this fun exercise in visualisation.

This list goes beyond traditional dating criteria, which usually includes eye colour, height, weight, what job they have and the suburb they live. This is superficial stuff. Physical features are important, but they’re not everything. 

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you want to know what’s important to you and what you are and aren’t prepared to settle for.

Try this simple and enlightening exercise. 

IDEAL PARTNER LIST

Write down the traits you’re looking for in your ideal partner. eg.

genuine

kind

honest

caring

compassionate

demonstrative

independent but not aloof

aged late 30s-early 40s

attentiveness

loyal

trustworthy 

wants commitment

only has eyes for me

encouraging and supportive of me

is career-oriented but always has time for family and friends

reliable

generous

not a player

accepts me as I am

doesn’t smoke or take drugs

emotionally and physically connected with

similar values to me

spiritually aware

open

fun to hang out with

I can be myself with him

Faithful

Whatever traits are important to you, write them down on paper. Read it every night before you go to bed or every morning when you wake up. This person needs to come alive in your mind!

If you’re feeling disheartened after a month, rip up your list, then re-write it from memory, adding things that suddenly seem important and removing the things that you no longer value as highly.

The more you crystallize your needs, the more likely you are to attract others who fit this criteria.

Then, imagine all the possible places your ideal partner might hang out. Organise with your friends to go to these places. Here are some examples:

·hip hop dance classes

·salsa dance classes

·sporting matches 

·singles parties 

·bookshops

·the gym

·social tennis

·speed dating

·a foreign language class

·singles dining events

·wine appreciation courses

Go to where the SOBER people are (ie. not bars and clubs)!

If you hate the football, don’t go to the footy, but maybe consider a soccer match or a game of cricket if you’ve never gone before.

Be clear on what you want and open to possibilities and you’ll be amazed at what will come your way.